


honestly james needs to stop drinking

by penrosequartz



Series: So I'm Gay Now? [3]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: ALL THE ELDERS ARE GAY PASS IT ON, Alcohol, Awkwardness, Boys Kissing, Condoms, Drinking, Gay, Getting Together, Internalised Homophobia, Kissing, LMAO, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Mentions of Sex, Oneshot, Pick-Up Lines, STOP DRINKING JAMES, Short, Too much alcohol, churchtarts, mcpriceley, vaguely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 03:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11221884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penrosequartz/pseuds/penrosequartz
Summary: In which James Church is very gay, but does not have any courage to ask out a cute boy.Kevin and Connor help out (mostly Connor).





	honestly james needs to stop drinking

**Author's Note:**

> yoyoyo what up it's prq back with the next installment of their series 'so i'm gay now?'  
> there's a lot of alcohol in this, also slight mentions of sex  
> don't get your hopes up, prq here can't write smut

With all the preaching of the Book of Arnold that they're doing, none of the Elders have really had time to relax. Even though Kevin and Connor have been making out (and participating in… other activities) on any and, indeed, _every_ surface, Arnold insists they're all “not getting enough time to just chill.”

Elder Michaels points out that Kevin and Connor hardly do any preaching at all, that they're each too busy preaching about how hot the other is. However, Arnold is adamant that ‘having hot sex is not relaxing,’ and Kevin can't help but agree with him.

Having ‘hot sex’ with Connor is definitely not relaxing. Kevin believes the proper term is ‘exhilarating.’

Anyway.

Arnold seems to think that throwing a party is a good idea, and he's got some of the villagers to help decorate, and he even manages to get enough alcohol for _everyone_ this time! As opposed to one bottle (enough for one glass + Elder Church drowning his homosexual feelings).

And so, here they are. James Church has _really_ taken to alcohol, whilst Poptarts has been less inclined since his first experience. Kevin is sitting at the bar with James, sipping his glass every so often, and watching in amusement as Elder Church continues to observe Elder Christopher “Poptarts” Thomas from a distance.

“Just ask him out, dude,” Kevin huffs, smiling slightly as James goes a bright shade of pink.

“W-what?” Elder Church splutters, “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“You like Poptarts, ask him out!” Kevin rolls his eyes.

“I- I don't like Poptarts. I’m not gay, I don't like him,” James manages to get out before Connor slides into their conversation from behind the bar. He’s helping Nabulungi with the drinks - Kevin never would have thought that District Leader Elder Connor McKinley would be so interested in an intoxicating substance.

“How’d a pretty boy like you wind up working in a place like this?” Kevin asks with a wink. He’d got that off a movie, one of the ones Arnold had managed to get a hold of somehow.

“Oh, shut up, you,” Connor giggles, leaning over the rickety makeshift counter and pecking Kevin on the lips.

“You two are so gross,” Elder Church sighs, taking another swig of his drink and finding Poptarts in the crowd again. Connor frowns at James, before quirking his lips up slightly.

“Did I just hear you say you weren't gay?” Conner asks, raising an eyebrow.

“I'm _not_ gay,” Elder Church says, miffed, before conceding, “It appears that I may be bisexual, however.” He pauses, before adding, “Or something.”

“So you admit it?” Kevin asks impatiently, “You like him?”

Elder Church taps his finger against the side of his glass as he glances over at Poptarts, who suddenly looks a bit lonely.

“Yes, fine,” James looks a little lost, “I like him.”

“Well, I have a solution,” Connor smirks, and as soon as Kevin gets him alone he's going to kiss that grin right off Connor’s pretty little face.

“Oh, no,” Elder Church visibly swallows, interrupting Kevin’s thoughts, “What are you planning, Elder McKinley?”

But Connor’s already gone, striding over to Poptarts with something Kevin can't quite place. It's a certain confidence Kevin hasn't seen on his boyfriend before - Kevin decides it looks good on him. Suddenly, Connor is pointing to James, and Poptarts visually follows his gesture. Kevin senses that James and Poptarts maintain eye contact for a second, because James spins around and stares determinedly down at his fourth drink of the evening. Kevin knows how James is feeling (he’s also impressed by how much James has drunk, given that none of them have had _any_ alcohol until recently. He's even more impressed that James is coherent, and speaking perfectly normally. Kevin briefly wonders if he's hallucinating).

“It'll get better if you tell him,” Kevin nudges Church, dismissing his musings, _“Trust me.”_

Poptarts is suddenly sitting next to James, face slightly flushed, asking Connor to get him a drink.

“And what will you have, Elder Thomas?” Connor gives him an encouraging smile.

Elder Thomas takes a deep breath and asks for something strong.

Connor, turning to Nabulungi but jerking his head towards Poptarts, somehow non-verbally gets his point across, because Nabulungi nods in understanding and busies herself pouring something.

“So, why do you want something strong, Elder Thomas?” Connor asks, and James perks up slightly.

His hands shaking a little, Poptarts answers calmly, managing to keep his gaze level and his face only slightly redder.

“I need to get up enough courage to talk to a cute boy,” he gulps, but Connor nods at him to go on, “I've been wanting to talk to him for ages, but I didn't think he felt the same way about me. But _someone_ told me otherwise.”

At this point, James shoots daggers at Connor, but also manages to look really grateful. Connor simply shrugs.

Elder Church finishes his drink, “I think I could use another drink, actually. Elder Thomas and I seem to be in a similar predicament.”

“Well, Elder Church,” Poptarts squeaks, “Maybe we should go discuss this predicament somewhere more private?”

 _‘Smooth,’_ Kevin thinks to himself, _‘I hope they talk it out a bit more than Connor and I did. We basically went straight from confessing to banging. Not that I mind.’_ Then Kevin laughs at himself, because he just said the word ‘straight’ in a sentence that was about gay sex.

Elder Thomas and Elder Church both leave without either of their requested drinks.

“Stay safe, kids!” Connor calls after them, launching a small box of condoms at the pair and hitting Elder Church in the side of his head. James looks scandalised, but Kevin doesn't miss the fact that he picks up the box and slips it in his pocket.

 _‘So much for taking it slow,’_ Kevin thinks, before turning to Connor (who’s still cackling). Connor’s laugh tinkles through the night air as Nabulungi puts two drinks on the table.

“Where did those white boys go? What will I do with these drinks?” She demands, and Connor gives them a once over before replying that he’ll drink one.

“Well, I’ll drink the other,” Kevin frowns, and Nabulungi nods, going to find Arnold on the dance floor. “Are you sure? You've never actually had alcohol before,” Kevin smirks at Connor.

“It can't be _that_ bad,” Connor shrugs, taking a sip.

Kevin waits as Connor swallows, putting it down.

“It's, uh…” Connor drinks, “Strong. But it's nice.”

Kevin raises his eyebrows - that wasn’t the response he was expecting. He drinks some of his.

“There's hardly any alcohol in this,” he sighs, going back to his original drink.

“Hm, look at you go,” Connor smiled, “Building up a tolerance.”

And Connor looks so nice in the light from the gas lanterns, and Kevin is feeling pretty buzzed. So he just says it.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Connor replies, not batting an eyelid, and taking a sip of his drink.

“What,” Kevin says.

“What?” Connor rolls his eyes, “All that ‘is it too soon’ stuff is bullshit. I love you. Anything else?”

“No, um. That's all I have to say,” Kevin smiles, “Can we make out now?”

“Sure,” Connor grins, and leans over the bench again.

It’s not the most comfortable way to kiss. They take it elsewhere.

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked it lemme know in the comments! and/or leave kudos? pls?  
> have a sick day bros (as in. a good day. don't get sick and take a day off. or do. w/e floats your boat)


End file.
